Why men do not care about men's mental health.
"Nobody cares about men's mental health." Many men often use this statement as an attack against women, blaming them for the increase in depression and the disparity between male and female suicide rates, as men are four times as likely to commit suicide than women. Many have heard this statement in some form from their male peers; often, many men conclude that women or some other factor are to blame for the high amount of suicide cases in the male community, citing social trends and terms such as "kill all men" or "nice guys finish last" or some other misunderstanding of some feminist movement. Of course, women play a part in men's mental health just as all genders do, but the biggest issue in men's mental health is, of course, men—rather precisely, the patriarchy and the obsession with masculinity.
"kill all men"/"Bear or Man."
Often, men blame generalizing statements such as the terms mentioned above for the reasons they or other men struggle. Classic defenses to these arguments include "Not all men" or some form of "I am different." Men cite these statements as the reason for their depression or lack of success in dating environments. Some men relish the fact that they are not a "Pervert/Creep" and think that it adds something to their character/personality. Arrogance from doing the bare minimum conveys these men as pretentious and narcissistic. Men take the statements mentioned above as an attack on their character and miss entirely the reasons and the issues that cause women to say these things. Since an overwhelming amount of men are perverts, women use these statements as a way to protect themselves; the same others do in their ethnic communities. The victimized community is not committing an immoral deed by making generalizing statements; they have created methods of protection/defense for their community; it is not an attack on a man's character specifically, and taking it as an attack undermines the true intent of these statements: To shine a light on the issues that created these statements. Women are not saying every man is one of those "men," but those men are still your brothers, friends, and parents. 81% of women reported experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime, so even if a man knows they are not an aggressor, the chance that a man who is an aggressor is in their everyday life is almost 100%. The problem is complicity. Men who commit such acts are protected by men who do not, and vice versa. Take, for instance, how Kobe Bryant's career was not affected in any monumental sense; after he was accused, his fame and legacy grew even more.
"Straights Club."
The people who perpetuate the reason "Nobody cares about men's mental health" the most are Cis-men. A lot of Cis-men will say that their peers can be vulnerable about their mental health issues, but that is not true. They can only be "vulnerable" if they are not because legitimate vulnerability is perceived as weakness. The obsession with this social construct of masculinity is the downfall of men's mental health. The relentless bullying of men who do not fit this social construct of masculinity is one of the most prevalent issues in this conversation. A feminine man is just something to be laughed at by the majority of Cis-males, referring to them as sweet, sassy, DL, suspect, or just simply gay. Insecure Men(which are most of the men who are obsessed with masculinity) dedicate so much mental energy to being the farthest from "Gay" they can be. Especially in everyday friendships, most Cis-Males could not fathom being close friends with an openly gay male. Anyone who is in these communities who thinks they might be deviating from the status quo or those who are questioning their sexuality will never live their truth because they are so obsessed with falling into line with the social construct of masculinity that they end up in an unhealthy mental state, resenting themselves which leads to struggling depression and in many cases can eventually lead to suicide. Toxic masculines always want to be the best, to be perfect in the eyes of other men, so they push each other away and despise themselves because their idea of perfection and masculinity is deeply rooted in misogyny and homophobia, and that is the issue with men's mental health. Men are men's greatest enemy in mental health. Toxic masculines cannot highlight the reason their mental is unhealthy because their truth is buried under layers of misogyny, homophobia, and an intense desire to fit in, and the ones at fault are nobody but themselves and their peers. Toxic masculines inherently choose this emotional pain because they try to squeeze themselves into a lifestyle they subconsciously(sometimes even consciously) do not want.
"Women have it easier"/ Incels.
This statement typically refers to some minor success that a woman has achieved. However, this is only half-way true. What is true is that "A woman will have an easier life if she completely conforms to the patriarchy." Anytime the statement, as mentioned above, is said, is when a woman decides to use misogynistic culture and the patriarchy to her benefit. Men cannot say that prettier women have it easier when it is men who have only valued women for their looks since the start of modern society. If men did not design whole systems that value the body of a woman rather than the brain, this would not work; this obsession that incels have with pretty women having "it easier" in life is hilarious because the only reason any of that works is because of men. It is the same as when men complain about the dating environment, saying things like "Women only care about money." when the only reason such stereotypes and status quo exist is that women did not need to care or instead were not allowed to care before. They were just objects in the minds of their husbands. A woman would never need to care about money because she was not allowed in any spaces to make actual money until very recently.
The men's mental health conversation has turned into finger-pointing and victimization. Toxic masculines and the patriarchy are the root causes for most, if not all, of the issues in men's mental health. Men who follow in the path of toxic masculinity are other men's antagonists in the struggle with mental health.
Editors note (10/10/24)
Of course, as a biological man, I have also participated in misogynistic speech and actions that inherently uphold the patriarchy. Every person who was assigned male at birth has also contributed to the patriarchy (Those who think they are innocent are ignorant.). Gay men, trans men, and Cis-men, whether you have participated in misogynistic values consciously or subconsciously, it does not matter if it was subconscious or not; we still are not absolved of guilt. We must call out any form of misogynistic values we may see in the home, our friends, and even in passing by. The only way to repent is through educating ourselves and each other and especially being good role models and teachers for the younger generations of men. We might not be able to fix the world our ancestors created, but we can make a safer and fairer world for the generations of women to come.
"Statistics." National Sexual Violence Resource Center, www.nsvrc.org/statistics. Accessed 6 Oct. 2024.
Thomas, John C, and Jonathan Kopel. "Male Victims of Sexual Assault: A Review of the Literature." Behavioral Sciences (Basel, Switzerland), U.S. National Library of Medicine, 3 Apr. 2023, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10135558/#B28-behavsci-13-00304.
